.Tributes Part 2 Lawrie recently found these few lines scribbled on a buried scrap of paper in Nancy's dresser. She must have written this several years ago because it had been awhile since she was able to write. We feel certain she left this for Bill to read after she was gone.
If I were dead and buried
And I heard your voice,
Beneath the sod my heart of dust would still rejoice.
This is from a message written by Bill to Lawrie and Ricki very late one night, just over a year ago.
Subj: awakenings
Date: Wed, Jan 30, 2002 11:44 PM-----It is past 11:00 pm and I just finished watching an interesting TV program and then began to shut down the house for the night and then, it struck me hard -- by God, I am really living alone!! Alone in that I am the sole occupant, in a strong sense, of this house. I serve the help, and they serve me, but my dear, dear wife who lives here is not really a functioning person who lives here ...
-----What remains, however, is so strong that I am able to keep going -- memories of fragrance, echoes of song and laughter (yes, and admonitions when deserved), smiles, soft touches and kisses and the magic, yes the MAGIC of her presence and, always that strong sense of the right path to take.Love from a voyager who is losing his compass -----I have the good fortune of being the daughter of Conrad Knerr, and therefore, as well, Nancy Hough's niece. As many of you know, the Knerr and Hough families grew up next to one another. And we had an incredibly rich and extraordinary time.
-----Aunt Nancy and Uncle Bill were great contributors to that, and wonderful role models. Teaching us about Faith and Connections; bringing people together at joyous parties, each with it's own elegance, each accompanied by their magnificent music; making life fun with fancy wraps and ribbons and fun cards (one I received during my pregnancy with Carl said....I'm so happy you're having a baby it's so much easier than me having one!); planning lunches out that included shopping or psychic readings, always potato chips, and always a compliment of a conclusion of chocolate; parenting us, and teaching us right from wrong. They taught us so much.
-----But...what they taught us the most about, was love. How to love life. And how to love one another. As Lawrie's close friend Kim said, " They had a love like there was no one else in the room."
-----When Aunt Nancy chose Valentine's day as her day to go home, my first thought was, she did everything with such style, including choosing such a beautiful day that celebrates love to be one on which we now can also celebrate her life. If any of us had had as much foresight as Nancy did insight, we would have known. Though we can't always understand the way life brings us together, we hopefully can be thankful for the love it offers us.
-----In addition to what they taught me growing up, they taught me even more, recently, when Aunt Nancy was not well. Most importantly, she knew the love she was receiving, and was able to express this. Uncle Bill's love and devotion was so valuable, because it was so understood.
-----When I visited Aunt Nancy one Mother's Day I was wondering if she understood our presence. She did not look as if she did and yet she seemed to laugh appropriately at all of Hank's antics. When I went to say good-bye to her I leaned over and kissed her on the cheek and said, "I love you." When she broke into tears and said, "I love you, too", I knew. I knew she understood.
-----And, on February 13 when I visited her and told her a story about sledding with Lawrie and Christian, she let me know one last time that she understood, as her eyes met mine. She understood all the love that filled her life. She gave us the gift of love in our hearts, as we cared for her and worked together for her. She offered us a love in a way we had not known it before.
-----A poem came to me over the Internet recently that was a little rough, but of good quality. I found myself revising that poem and even retitling it. The original poem was entitled, "Old Lady's Soul." I did not see Aunt Nancy as having grown old at all. She just became ill. And, in our family we call those with great insight and spiritual depth an "Old Soul." Aunt Nancy was certainly an old soul amongst us. Thus, I renamed the poem, "Old Soul Lady"."Old Soul Lady" Original by an Old Lady from Dundee, Scotland. Revised by M. Delacato
This story is about seeing the soul that is within a person.What do you see, what do you see?
What are you thinking when you're looking at me?An old woman, who once was wise?
Now uncertain of habit, with faraway eyes?
Who eats little food, and makes no reply
When you say in a soft voice, "I do wish you'd try!"
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And you wonder if she knows the love & caring coming from you?
Who, resisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.Is that what you're thinking? Is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, you're not looking at me.
I'll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still,
As I do at your bidding, as I eat at your will.I'm a small child of ten, with a father and mother,
Brothers I love, and who love one another.
A young girl of sixteen, with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that soon now a lover she'll meet.
A bride at thirty-nine, my heart gives a leap,
Rememb'ring the vows that I promise to keep.
At this age, with young of my own,
They need me to guide and secure happy home.
A woman of fifty, my young have grown fast,
Hopefully bound together, with ties that will last.
Now with lives & young of their own, and some that are gone,
My husband's beside me, to see I don't mourn.
And, again, once more, babies play round my knee
We have beautiful grandchildren, my loved one and me.With dark days upon me, for my husband I dread,
I look at the future, I shudder instead.
My loved ones around me, at peace in my home,
I think of the years and ALL the love that I've known.
Never an old lady, just nature is cruel;
'Tis jest to make old age to look like a fool.The body it crumbles, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone, where I once had a heart.
But inside this lady, a young girl still dwells,
And now and again, my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I'm loving and living life over again.I think of the years, all too few, gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your eyes, everyone, open and see,
Open your eyes now, look closer............see ME!!Marcie Delacato
To Bill Hough and family 3/22/03
-----Con called to tell me that Nancy was no longer suffering and he called again to give me the information about the service on February 21st. My first thought was I will go to Philadelphia for the service, and then I realized I could not. I was leaving for Morocco on February 20th. I do wish I could be there with all of you, and I certainly will be in spirit and thought.
-----I have such fine memories of Nancy. Her nice smile and her usually pleasant and happy personality. I enjoyed her wonderful humor, and that quick spontaneous wit. She had a unique and very special way of phrasing comments.
-----She was an excellent hostess. She certainly enjoyed entertaining and she seemed to do it so easily. I especially remember her party for cousin Ann's 80th birthday. All the cousins got together for he first time in many years and my sister (Betty McKeever) and I were pleased to be a part of the celebration. We enjoyed seeing everyone. It was also the last time all the cousins gathered.
-----Part of being a good hostess has to do with the food and Nancy served up wonderful meals. She was an excellent cook and I continue to enjoy some of the receipts she was willing to share with me.
-----Nancy and Bill visited me once in California just as my best friends' son was married in my garden in San Jose. Several of the wedding party went to Carmel for the day with Nancy and Bill who sang all the way. Their singing together was certainly one of their joys and is was a special treat for those of us who heard them.
-----When I think of Nancy I smile and remember what fun it was to be with her. It was a privilege to have shared life with her.-----Marge Abbott
Dear Uncle Bill, Lawrie, Ricki and Brad,
-----Please know that all of our love goes out to you at this difficult time.
-----Aunt Nancy was truly a legend within our family. She took on what is perhaps the least recognized but most honorable roles one can have in life -- as the pillar of the family -- always reaching out to everyone & including them in the most thoughtful ways. Sharing with each of us knews about the others & passing on bits and pieces of our heritage. Bringing us together at her wonderful parties.
-----Some of my fondest memories of her are those I have of the times I would clean for her. She was always telling me about the funny things that Grandpa would say to Grandma, about the phonograph that my Dad had built etc. We would chit chat about our lives, books we'd read, the goings on in the family & on & on. I recall sitting in the swivel chairs in her bedroom laughing until we almost cried.
-----I will never forget listening to her singing around the house, the smell of her perfume, the softness of her cheek, her flare for combining colors, her incredible wit...
-----It gives me great comfort to believe that she's now on the other side, reunited with Grandma, Aunt Jeannie and all the others who have gone before her. (I have to laugh as perhaps she's inserted her own little play on words with my misspelling of knews!)With much love to all of you -- God Bless!
Niti, Grubs + boysJulia's singing Amazing Grace yesterday was a moment of pure grace. It was rendered so sweetly with Nancy's family and friends joining in by degrees - it was really our prayer of thanksgiving for the privilege of knowing Nancy.
Anne Eiswerth -----Thanks so much for your message about Nancy. I'm very sorry I couldn't get to the service. A teenager here was killed in a car crash this week - a brilliant kid, football star, already accepted to Harvard - and there was great upset among his friends. As Director of the local mental health clinic, I was asked to lead an urgent grief session held on Friday. I very much wished to be with you all.
-----What I remember first about Nancy is her great smile and lively wit. The wit led to much humor (I remember her often teasing my father). It was also in my mind connected to a sharpness that could, at times, be wounding. (I saw that in evidence here once between Nancy and the boys when she and Bill and they were visiting here years ago.) By the same token, I remember Nancy and Bill as exemplars of hospitality. Their house has always had a welcoming aura. I recall Gammy's memorial service and how comforting it was to be with the whole extended family in that wonderful living room. But I keep coming back to the smile. One reason I recall it so vividly is that is was just like her mother's: her whole face crinkled up in the very same way, especially about the eyes, and there was in that smile the same warmth I always treasured about Aunt Jean. It's a memory I will keep.
-----I'm glad my sister and brother and Bernice were able to attend. I've already heard from them about how nice the service and the gathering afterward were.Rob Evans
-----I'm so sorry I didn't know of Nancy's death in time to be at the service - I wouldn't have missed it. I know it was time for her to go, but I am so saddened. I miss her still, and always will. She was an angel dropped from heaven to inaugurate and bless the archives I was struggling to start, brought me the Herings and the whole wonderful Knerr family, adopted Hahnemann and immersed herself in it at just the right time for them to appreciate her and her legacy, and became for me a delightful and very special friend and ally that I think I could not have done without. And now you are all there to continue the tradition - please don't ever leave!
-----I have to thank Marge O'Reilly and Arlene Crowell for introducing Nancy - but from there it just gets better and better! Thank you all, so very much, for so many things! I love you all.Barbara Williams -----Dear Nancy, Speaking to you now it seems that you can hear me perfectly, and understand every word. In recent years I felt a sweet, loving acknowledgement coming from you but without clearly being able, or needing, to converse. You seemed to be in a soft, cloudy place and making a thoughtful and slow transition that was important to your spiritual evolution. Although it was clear to me that you felt my love and returned it abundantly.
-----We were always close friends, sharing an interest in art, music and witty word-play, although you could tease me unmercifully at times. Once, at Boyer Street when I may have been about 8 or 10, you ragged me to the point where I chased you with a pair of scissors to make you stop. Thirty years or so later you said something to me that made me realize I scared you much more than I intended. I'm truly sorry for having put that burden on you, and that it would later be added to by the great trauma of your auto accident.
-----I remember hearing the strains of Stardust and Moonlight Serenade coming up the stairs at Gowen Avenue to where I lay in my pajamas on the landing and you and your high-school friends partied in the living room, seeming to me like real grown-ups. And yet my big sister, this 'grown-up', took an interest in me and encouraged me. And later, when I was a freshman at Penn, your fiancé, Bill Kupper, befriended me too and, to my amazement, invited me to join his fraternity. A major step up in my college life and one that would lead to my meeting my dear life-companion, Lois.
-----So thanks my dear sister and friend and I wish you joy in being welcomed by Mother and Pop along with all your other family members and friends who have gone before. You'll fit right in - you always did sing like an angel.
-----I see now that you and Bill found the romance of Camelot together and brought it to our times as a precious gift. By your deep love and loyal service to each other, the Lady Fair and her gallant Knight, you showed us the impossible dream is possible.
-----And since you gave us all so much happiness in one of your favorite roles as the hostess of many memorable gatherings I think it's nice that this time you're the guest of honor................ -----Dear Bill, Thank you for your unconditional love and care for Nancy all these years. We all know what a heartbreaking and at times exhausting job it must have been. I'm very grateful for that and for your kindness in taking my mother into your beautiful home in her declining years as well. You're an example of unselfish generosity to us all.
Ted Knerr The following is from an email from Marcie to Lawrie written the morning of Valentine's Day, about 12 hours before Nancy died.
Friday, February 14, 2003 4:37 AM
Happy Valentines!!
-----On this day that celebrates love I am hoping your Mom goes home, Lawr. Your Mom and Dad's relationship with each other has taught me so much. Most specially about love. And, about trusting in that love, through the turns that life can take and the incredible places it leads you. I know that they have enhanced the lives of so many around them with their love of life and love of one another. Even in this struggle their love has prevailed like no other. The one thing that I hope you know is, that when your Mom does seem to understand and respond, she does not seem to do so with struggle, but rather with an acknowledgment of the love she is receiving, and she seems peaceful. Though we can't always understand the way life brings us together, we hopefully can be thankful for the love it offers us. And, again, she has taught me so much about love. This should be a day to celebrate her life and that which she valued most.
ox M